mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Malaise (have I used that one already?)

I went to bed at six last night. Am I feeling any better? Meh. I seem to be more inclined to do actual work, although every mouse click feels like Iím doing it with a forty pound weight on my finger. Am I any less depressed? Nope. Still not motivated by anything. I donít feel like Iím useful, or intelligent, or attractive, or particularly funny, which is what hurts most of all.

Although, I did my part and donated books to the Oakland Library. I didnít shop from their wish list, which is selfish I guess, but I donít think theyíll refuse the shipment. If they do, Iíll take them. These are books that I loved as a child, and helped me think outside weirder boxes than the ones kids are usually taught to think inside of. I guess that makes me feel a little better.

For those of you who care, the books were:

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, Julie Andrews
The Phantom Tollbooth, Jules Pfeiffer
I Love You, Fortunately, Mother Mother I Feel Sick: Send for the Doctor Quick Quick Quick,and Arm in Arm, Remy Charlip.
Just do a search on Amazon for Remy Charlip. Iím too listless to go find the links.

I have a call into my therapist, because I really think this listlessness has to do with upping my Effexor. I donít know what sheíll recommend next, because this may not be a pharmaceutical issue. Maybe Iím catching the flu. Maybe itís Trevor Dunniganís fault. But things are going OK. Iím throwing a party this weekend. I saw They Might Be Giants in concert on Saturday night, and they kicked major ass. Why arenít I thankful and glad?

[sigh] The only thing keeping me from going to bed at six again tonight will be Buffy.

2:07 p.m. - 2003-05-06


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