mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Spotlight on neuroses

Some interesting fallout from the mother's day weekend. We had discussed amongst ourselves, we sisters, about how to combat the expectation we knew That Woman would have that, since we were taking our mother out for mother's day, her brunch on Sunday would be picked up as well. We pictured several scenarios and came up with reactions. We felt prepared.

(Off topic: The History Channel is showing a program about pirates, and all the talking head historians are interviewed in front of a pirate-y backdrop. I wonder if that made their day?)

And what does That Woman do? She thanks K for buying her meal before the check even arrives!

Who could have seen that coming? What person in their right mind does that? I have to say, she is innovative in her douchebaggery. And this set off a wave of emails between my mother and K that was both unprecedented and unexpected.

While I would love to reprint each email in full here, the emails are long and go into detail that doesn't need rehashing here. I'm not even going to recap the points. I'm just going to quote a few choice phrases to illustrate what my family is going through.

Email #1, from K to Mom

"You know as well as I do that, where Celeste is concerned, Emily is always walking a fine line betweeen polite stand-offishness and homocide."

This has been told to Mother at least 15 times in the past 25 years, but never quite as well said as this. Awesome.

Email #2, from Mom to K

"Celeste has tried to be nice to you girls - she sent you an unacknowledged mothers day card and emailed a nice kudo to Emily that could have been acknowledged, too, without hurting either one of you. No wonder she's concerned that you will do something bad to her when I die... she really has been reading you girls right for a long time and I've been telling her she was wrong." (emphasis added)

And this just shows how little Mom has been paying attention for most of my life. "Tried to be nice"? She wasn't being nice-- she just wanted attention. That wasn't a "kudo", it was a demand to be specially acknowledged, a sneaky way to insinuate herself into a family only exchange. I only wish Mom had brought this up to me: I would not have been as calm and reasoned as K was.

Oh-- she's "concerned that [we] will do something bad to her when [Mom] die[s]?" Christ almighty, I don't even know what this means. Clearly, she can feel our dislike of her, she knows she bugs the crap out of us at every turn. But how she can interpret that as planning to "do something bad" to her just tells me how completely crazy she really is.

Email #3, from K to Mom

She is not nice to us-- she's fake nice. There's a difference. [...]

I'm not going to to change your mind about Celeste, nor will I try. That she has convinced you that we're going to "do something bad to her" after you die is simply bizarre, and shows how much you've been affected by living with her for 20 years. Why would we "do something bad" to her? We don't care for her, we don't want her stuff, and quite frankly, after you die we plan to ignore her as we would do with any other unliked in-law once the familial connection has been severed. I notice you didn't keep up with Stan [my father's brother] after Dad died.

K's response is good. It's a shame that Mom absorbed so very little of her point. And it probably terrifies That Woman to know that we will ignore her, which is her worst nightmare.

Email #4, from Mom to K

"I think Celeste, having never been a sibling or a parent doesn't know the feeling [of being a normal human being?]. Anyhow, please know that I love you and appreciate your openness (another thing Celeste has trouble with) [OK - WHAT the hell is Mom smoking now?], She looks for deviousness in you all but I tell her you are straight forward folks."

Ah, the old looks for deviousness excuse. I wonder why she does that? I wonder why she thinks someone might, say, seem 'out to get' her? I'm sure it has nothing to do with her calling people fat, or putting her cat down because he peed on her speakers, or maybe wearing the equivalent of white lace to a wedding.

It's actually a good instinct for her. We do hate her and, personally, I am devious when it comes to interacting with her. If she can sense that I never tell her the truth and that I'd very much like to punch her, maybe she can use that feeling and stay the hell out of my way.

10:03 p.m. - 2007-05-27


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