mnvnjnsn's Diary

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The future at present

My mother likes to tell a story about me: when I was maybe three or four years old, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I answered "a hero."

Talk about setting oneself up for failure. I've come to see that's been a recurring theme in my life.

I put it to you that most people my age, at least my friends, are doing something that fulfills them financially, emotionally and/or professionally. Some even have all three (I'm lookin' at you, Horseshack). If they don't like their jobs, they have something on the side that keeps them going, like a band or school. Some actually like their jobs and get paid well. Then there are those who may or may not like their salaries or their professions, but have children to raise and are doing an heroic job with that, testimony to their useful lives.

Whereas I am a (nearly) 36 year old temp making 2 an hour with nothing to show for anything I've done. My single feat of note is my successful marriage, and I can only take at most 35% credit for that. And I have plenty of time to screw that up too.

Is this a mid-life crisis? Should I be going out and buying a sports car, low-carb dieting, getting a boob job and whitening my teeth? Or, given my lower-middle class existence right now, should I be shopping for meth and starting that glamorous spiral downward into stealing car radios and accumulating mug shots?

Or do I just accept my place as an accounting department underling, ballooning into my true apple-shaped self and collecting Hallmark teddy bear figurines; becoming a bland, suburban shadow of my former rebellious self, keeping my tattoos hidden and my Vicodin addiction under wraps while writing inane letters to Parade Magazine chastising Tom Cruise for fathering a child out of wedlock and inquiring about Dolly Parton's next project?

Sound to me like *somebody's* got a case of the Mondays.

13:27 - 2005-11-21


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