mnvnjnsn's Diary

To contact send email to mnvnjnsnATSIGNgmailDOTcom.

2005-10-24

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Meme out of nothing at all

Whilst perusing my email, I came across a number of SPAMs that had questions in the subject line. That observation led me to my first-ever homegrown MEME: Feel free to distribute as desired.

WORLD'S FIRST SPAM MEME - WELL, IT'S THE FIRST I'VE SEEN

Meet up for ensured love?
You mean, love for the over-70 crowd? It depends. (HA!)

Target vs. Kmart who is better?
Well, I have a personal history with K-mart-- in the form of a month-long employment there in 1987-- so I can't really be objective here. I guess both, if only to stay the hell out of WALMART.

Do you like Yahoo or Google?
I'm bi-engined. Bi-addressed. Bi-searched. I don't care, really.

Abercrombie or American Eagle?
Everything I've seen in an Abercrombie window display looks like it could use ironing. I don't think I've ever even set foot in American Eagle. Winner? Eddie Bauer.

Want to be a FBI agent, or a Police Officer?
No, not really. I once knew an FBI agent-- he was the father of a childhood friend. They moved to Virginia when I was 10, I guess he got a promotion from field officer or something. He seemed not at all like Agent Cooper, which now makes me a little sad.

Rolex is forever are you for it?
Count me as against, although I wasn't aware Rolex had issued such an ultimatum. I think press releases that say things like "The Rolex brand is built upon exclusivity" automatically gets my dander up. Although, Estelle once waxed poetic on how beautiful a former uncle's Rolex was (Estelle is pro-ANYTHING that seems built on exclusivity), only to find out later that it was, in fact, a fake.

Want a complimentary laptop?
Who doesn't?

Your online sales are low because you don_t [sic] have enough visitors?
No, my online sales are low because my marketing team keep rebranding unnecessarily and my salespeople are always drunk and the board of directors can't stop schtupping every blond employee they can get. Oh, wait. No, that's the company I used to work for. MY online sales are low because I don't actually sell anything.

Do you prefer coke or Pepsi?
I've said this before, I'll say it again: I prefer Diet Coke in cans and small bottles, Diet Pepsi in 2 liter bottles, and Diet Pepsi in restaurants. I emailed this back to the spammer, but for some reason they haven't responded.

do you want a rolex for $75-$275?
Again, no.

like hot beautiful girls?
Yes, but not too hot. I find that any temp over 350 degrees tends to burn without fully cooking the insides.

Wanna see totally naked celebrites?
What does a celebrite look like? Do most wear clothes to begin with? Unless you went French all of a sudden and meant 'c�l�brit�,' in which case I have to ask: how hard is it to get a french celebrity to strip? Not very.

Have you ever used online pharmacy?
Yes. Have you ever used articles?

This last one needs some explanation. I received the following question in the subject line of 4 emails, each beginning with the query regarding low-priced software and ending with two randomly paired words. Assuming that EVERYONE needs low-priced software, respond only to the paired words:

Need low-priced software:

---semi-permanently poplar?
No, I want ALL poplar software ALL THE TIME.

---casework savoyard?
I had to look that one up, but I'm so glad I did. I would love software that helped me-- a devotee, performer, or producer of the comic operas of W. S. Gilbert and A. S. Sullivan-- with my caseload.

---indirected deduce?
See, I would have gone for indirectly deduced software, but this one just looks lazy. I don't trust this emailer.

---methuselah rocks?
He sure does!

2:34 p.m. - 2005-10-24

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