mnvnjnsn's Diary

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I have been vewy vewy quiet recently because I am on the verge of getting a job. That should make me feel good, right?

I feel like crap. I'm overanalyzing every comment made by every person there (I've met with nearly every person in this tiny company), and even though the main people have said I've interviewed very well and come across as very able and whatever, I still feel like this is my job to lose-- and I will lose it.

This job really has everything going for it, and I know I could do it even though it will be challenging. And yet, it felt like I was swimming against the current with every question I answered. My confidence, which I thought had served me very well in my interview yesterday and another meeting that was part of today's round of interviews, is completely shattered. Completely.

And this is totally backward from what I should be feeling. I was SO sure of myself after the first interview, even though the bossguy said I interviewed better today than yesterday. I have third interview on Friday and I've been told that, barring a colossal hatred of the technical writing sample I'll be sending in tomorrow, Friday should be all about the art of negotiating salary and benefits.

So why has every anxiety I've ever had trebled in size and planted its cement-shoes on my shoulders? I feel like every person in that office is sitting in the conference room mulling over which reason they like best for hating me.

Dammit. Why do I do this to myself? I feel like just ctrl-alt-deleting out of this whole game and going on the dole. Careful, I sense a whole lot more mixed metaphors before this ordeal concludes.

6:35 p.m. - 2005-08-09


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