mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Internecine Athletic Squabbles and other Physics

I have a darling nephew story that only Oregon residents will get. It goes a little something like this:

Nephew (C) is sitting at the dinner table, quizzing his mother (K) on state trivia, his current subject in school.

C: What is the Oregon State Tree?
K: Oh, I donít know.
C: The Douglas Fir. Whatís the Oregon State Flower?
K: Again, I donít know.
C: The Oregon Grape.
K: Okay then, whatís the Oregon State Animal?
C: (thinking for a minute) The platypus.
K: What? C, the platypus isnít even indigenous to this hemisphere, let alone Oregon. Why would you think it would be Oregonís State Animal?
C: Because a platypus is a cross between a beaver and a duck.

That's damn perceptive for a 10 year old, huh? We're thinking of starting a petition to change the State Animal. Or, at least get a platypus for our zoo.

Some of you may know, I can get pretty testy when it comes to TV, especially commercials. Poor Trevor Dunnigan has to put up with me screaming at the TV every night. When he's upstairs online, he can still hear me talking back to annoying salespeople and pointing out continuity errors.

Well, I think I've found someone who has my dream job. Seth Stevenson writes columns on advertising for Slate. I could totally do that.

My current loathed commercial is the Bailey's Irish Cream "No Gravity Bar." I hate the music, I hate the concept, I hate the actors. But mostly, I hate their inaccurate physics.

If you're not familiar with the commercial, it shows a bar full of pretty, skinny people floating in the air in mild slow motion. A floating bartender "pops" a large bubble of Bailey's, thus breaking up the bubble into drops. The PSP then float around giddily sucking up the floating shots. Get it? Because there's no gravity. A stupid idea, sure-- you're saying-- but what's wrong with their physics? That's what would happen if an astronaut (or say, Homer Simpson) cracked open a bottle of liquid and poured it around the shuttle.

The problem is, all the pretty, skinny women have long hair. And their hair is hanging from their heads-- as if there was some sort of force pulling the hair down. That is to say, hair is excluded from the "no gravity bar's" policy on gravity.

Sloppy shit like that just frosts my gizzard. I mean, really.

3:18 p.m. - 2005-04-29


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