mnvnjnsn's Diary

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I think this weekend was a breakthrough. No, I didn't get a job. No, my house isn't cleaner. No, I didn't win the lottery. I was, however, openly ignoring Estelle all day on Saturday and it felt fabulous.

She and my mother came for an extended visit (3 days instead of 36 hours), and I don't know why I ever complained about their whiplash visits-- maybe because it felt like Mom didn't want to hang out with us up here. But having spent all of Saturday with them-- and hearing the stories from K, where they stayed-- I think it's safe to say that as long as Estelle insists on visiting with my mother, those 36 hours visits are just fine.

And now a visit to the world of Estelle:

Estelle would like to visit the 'base at the North Pole.' When it is pointed out that there is no base at the North Pole-- the unspoken reason being because there is nothing there to build a permanent base on-- she changed her story and said she'd like to go to the actual pole. Meaning, she thinks there is a pole at the North Pole.

Back to reality.

There were several times during the day when Estelle would address me directly and I just ignored her. Some folks might say that's rude and normally, I would agree. But this is a woman who co-opted my mother decades ago and I refuse to forgive the theft and play her games anymore. I don't like the woman, I shouldn't have to act like we're best friends. Among the moments I consider to be triumphs:

At one point my mother asked if I wanted to ride to the miniature golf place with them. I said "Um..... no."

I successfully avoided having to look at Estelle's latest unnecessary trip pictures, despite her direct invitation.

I did not hug her when we left that night.

These may seem petty. In the real world, they are. But when you are forced to interact with someone as utterly self-involved, someone so insecure that she feels threatened by a toddler, someone so enragingly irritating as Estelle, these things become huge. I played nice with her for 22 years and I got nothing but a disrupted relationship with my mother and years of therapy fodder. This time I didn't leave angry-- just with a sense of pity and a ringing in my ears.

10:30 p.m. - 2004-08-09


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