mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Dreams and pipe dreams

I know this is the lack of anti-depressants talking.

I have been having erotic dreams about Stephen Colbert. I am not usually one who has erotic dreams, let alone ones about The Daily Show's Senior Correspondent, but there it is. To protect his privacy, I will not go into the details. But I woke up unhappy to be in my own bed, and not in the back room of a video store that fronted a sex parlor owned by Stephen Colbert's mother.

I had a dream last night wherein I was at a family residence that I hadn't known we had. It was as if it hadn't been lived in since 1968, and it hadn't. We were there because there had been a sister of mine who had disappeared at a party, and we had to gather all the evidence. I went through cupboard after cupboard after drawer, finding pictures and papers of my family with this other daughter, before I was born, and nobody seemed to be disturbed by any of it. I remember feeling like this had been Estelle's doing, like she had kept all this from me. And I woke up feeling empty.

And yesterday I saw two Norwegian movies, both comedies, both very good. And now I want to drop everything and go back to Oslo. I want to leave Trevor and the cats and the job and the internet and the English language and all the pills and everything my life is at this moment and has ever been and just go.

I know this is the lack of anti-depressants talking.

They'll be here soon. They're in the mail. Soon I can medicate the emptiness and the horniness and the emptiness and go back to my cats and my numbers and my Trevor. But I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that.

9:41 a.m. - 2004-02-23


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