mnvnjnsn's Diary

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just breathe

I have a fear of drowning. I can't stand the feeling of choking and gagging, and I am very aware when there is a lack of air to breathe.

Which makes these asthma attacks so depressing.

I went for a three mile walk with Trevor Dunnigan on the south bank of the Columbia river. He likes walking out there a lot, but I don't go with his as often as he would like, I think, because I like to laze about on weekends rather than, you know, move.

Anyway, it was kinda rainy today, and cold, but the walk was very nice. It wasn't until I got back in the car that my head suddenly felt too heavy for my neck and my lungs felt like a balloon poked full of holes. I could breathe deeply, but it felt like I wasn't getting any oxygen. Trevor Dunnigan dropped me off and went to get burritos and I stumbled in the house to my inhaler. I had to sit for a good half hour and wait for my lungs to warm up.

I used to run and laugh and play. I was a good little softballer, and I even played the obligatory couple years of soccer. I won a presidential physical fitness elementary school. And now I can't really walk very far without taking a half hour break. During my break today, I was hit by my utter weakness against this condition. My legs began to shake every time I stood up, and only now, five hours later, do I feel like I can walk down the stairs without clinging to the rail.

I was watching the news and there was a clip from the monkey president, and I realized what I would do if I were offered a chance to ask President Asshatt a question. I would say:

Welcome to Portland, Mr. President. Are you finding our city as cromulent as you expected?

10:19 p.m. - 2004-01-24


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