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Usurper, I'll surp that other guy

A day without an Estelle story is like a day without hemorrhoids: everything is happy go lucky until you get another pain in the ass. It seems I may have lifted that joke from someone, but I can't think who that might be. If it's you? Well, try to be more memorable next time.

Anyway, this is *supposed* to be a secret, but I don't think Mom reads this, and who gives a shit if I ruin "the surprise" anyway, so... I'm sure all y'all have been asking yourselves "What about Estelle? Just where has that crazy, egomaniacal, self-centered narcissu-beast been hiding herself?"


No shit. She habitually gloms onto ideas and interests that our family gets into, but invariably she only does it so she can one-up us. And since my sister K and I started really immersing ourselves in Antarctic history, all she could talk about was how she has always wanted to go to Antarctica and oh, wouldn't that be just great to go there, and do you think we'll get pictures of polar bears?

OK, maybe I made that last bit up (though she's said stuff just as inane as that before: "Pink Floyd? Oh yeah, I've heard of him!"), but to her, this unbelievably expensive jaunt down to Terra Incognita is just another notch in her belt, and I've no doubt that she won't appreciate much while she's down there. I really wouldn't want to go there as a tourist, where you only get off the luxury liner for a few short hikes and maybe a penguin sighting. I would go to see the history-- the cross dedicated to the Scott expedition, the base at McMurdo sound, the century-old tins of biscuits. I would like to manhaul a sledge just to see what it was like. I'd like to get as close to Mount Erebus as I could without dying.

But she would find no satisfaction in any of these adventures. No, I am sure her most exciting moment will be when she sends off that postcard to me with a picture of the Ross Ice Shelf on it, and smiles to herself because she got there before I did.

I am planning to be very nonplussed about the whole thing, just to piss her off. It wasn't but a few months ago that she was complaining about her money situation, so I think when she asks me, I'll just ask her how she could afford to go.

My single consolation is that she gets very seasick, and even in the summer, that ocean is rough.

And you better believe she's getting another train calendar for Christmas next year too.

5:56 p.m. - 2004-01-13


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