mnvnjnsn's Diary

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It must be so hard

You know, I really should think twice before I write. I don't know what effect my words have on people. What I write could hurt people's feelings. What I write could ruin people's lives.

I had no idea.

I would like to issue an apology to the following people:

  • The designers of the 95 Honda Civic
  • my bosses and coworkers
  • hospital waiting room inhabitants
  • doctors and nurses with whom I have had contact
  • my mother
  • Tony Bennett
  • My yoga instructor
  • Jesus
  • Roger Ebert

I would especially like to apologize to the narratrix of Unsolved History. It seems that my little journal here has upset the delicate balance that is The Life of a Historical Documentary Narrator. That was not my intent at all. Please don't take what I said personally! I wasn't trying to genuinely critique your work. Clearly I'm not that clever. I mean, I work 8 hours a day, how clever is that?

All I was doing was trying to fill the void that can't be filled by drugs and alcohol. I wasn't being cruel, I was being blithe and unthinking. How was I to know you would run a google search for your own job description? Well, lesson learned! From now on, I won't write a bad word about anybody. And if I do, you can bet it will be in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay.

Our Narratrix's comment has got me thinking, though. Just what qualifies me as being "[a] distasteful member of society?" What is it exactly? I can't be expected to better myself if I don't know what to work on. So, with this in mind, I'm officially starting the "Why Emily is a Distasteful Member of Society" contest:


  1. Entries must be EMAILED to no later than November 5th, 2003.
  2. Short sound bytes will be preferred to manifestos.
  3. Not open to family members, unless it's really really funny.
  4. Judging will be based totally on the whim of said distasteful member of society, who will most likely be drunk when the winner is announced.

The winner of the "Why Emily is a Distasteful Member of Society" contest will receive an "Unsolved History" DVD of an episode of their choice. Don't forget! This is YOUR chance to critique the critiquer!

4:35 p.m. - 2003-10-27


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