mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Night of the half-wit

I sent the following email to my mother and sisters at 12:15 this morning:

Well, as you can see from the time stamp on this email, I'm up late and once again just home from a night at the emergency room. I had a bit of a mishap with the Tilex as I was cleaning the bathroom this evening, and now sport a corneal abrasion on my left eye and a not-very-piratey eye patch. This is mostly for you, Mom, just so you know I went in and got taken care of. For future reference, constant water in the eye for a half hour is the minimum one should do for a Tilex injury. And the Poison Control is the place to call. They were very attentive, calling me back three times *and* calling the emergency room to let them know I was coming. I have to go back to the opthalmologist tomorrow morning, and will probably be taking the Max into work, since I may not be allowed to drive. So let this be a lesson unto you all: when cleaning the bathroom, don't look up.

Yeah, two ER visits in as many weeks. Am I cool, or what?

So, this one was definitely better than the last. My Doctor's Assistant was cu-ute, and seemed fascinated by my medical history (as one point he was gazing into my eye, albeit through one of those eye-looking machines, and said "Whoa... this is so cool!"). And he laughed at all my jokes. I don't know why all the medical staff at Legacy Emmanuel look like rock stars, but Eric looked like a younger Ben Folds. Nice.

This all happened because I was cleaning the bathroom. I was spraying the ceiling in the shower, so our bathroom would be mildew-free for my friend from out of town who comes in tonight, and just like that scene in 28 Days Later, a huge drop fell right into my left eye.

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" I ran screaming into the kitchen and began scoopin tap water into my burning eyeball. Trevor Dunnigan, my hero, dropped the water can where he stood out in the back yard and rushed in. We decided to sit my in the backyard and run the hose into my eye while I called my mother. And then I called my doctor's office, whose answering service kindly connected me with Poison Control. Remember this number: 800-222-1222. Poison Control kicks ass.

So they told me to take a shower, but I stayed out with the hose because the shower? HAD TILEX IN IT. But after a while, I decided it had probably dried up, and spent 20 minutes pointing my eye at the shower head. Let me tell you, I'm as luxurious a shower-taker as they come, but when you HAVE to stay in there? It's a long ass time.

So then my hero took me to the ER, and they got me in in record time and started flushing my eye with saline. After a while, Eric came in to take a look at things, and I perplexed him and the on call doctor with some odd red flecks on the corneas in both my eyes.

Neither of them had seen anything like it.

I was sent home with some antibiotic goop and an eye patch (all right, all right: Arrrrggghh!). Fast forward to my opthalmologist saying that he'd never seen a Tilex injury look so good, that I must have done everything right, that my eye was already nearly healed, and that the emergency doctors must have been high because he didn't see no stinkin' flecks.

Well, I'm paraphrasing, but still.

So that was my night. Now, I'm behind on my cleaning, but my guest will just have to live with a half-cleaned bathroom. I'm taking a nap.

2:25 p.m. - 2003-07-25


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