mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Depression is an odd duck. The way it can blindside you, for no reason, triggered by nothing but affecting everything. Depression can override the best medicines, the strongest sleeping pills, the most inspiring platitudes. There is no logic to it, no talking yourself out of it, no cat that can purr it away. Music can make it worse, but rarely make it better.

And in my depressions, music always invites fantasies of great tragedies in which I cast myself as the victim, where I can garner attention and pity, where I can look beautiful as I mourn and then look strong as I overcome the worst. I blame the music videos of the melancholy songs, and I blame the sad movies for the montage of melodrama I concoct in my head.

I am very tired today. And when I am tired, I look nothing near beautiful.

12:48 p.m. - 2003-07-14


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