mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Upper Management

The company I work for launched a new website this weekend. As the data analyst, it is my responsibility to create reports, run email campaigns and, you know, analyze data. It's not a bad job.

But lordy, is it frustrating.

I call my boss BigCrazy, though not out loud. She's actually a tiny, tiny person. Unnaturally petite, one could say. And she is as mad as one that makes, sells, or cleans and repairs hats. Hats that are crazy!

When I first got this job, BigCrazy put me in the cube right outside her office, presumably because she imagined I would be racing in at all times with Hot Data Analysis, as I am wont to do. After a month, she had my cube moved about thirty feet away from her office. So I could be nearer to the rest of my "team?" No. Because I wasn't racing in with Fabulous Database News enough? No. Because she wanted me to walk the extra thirty feet because I needed the exercise? No.

Because she was concerned that I could hear her chewing.

I'll let that sink in.

BigCrazy has always been very numbers-oriented. No matter what I was reporting on, she wanted the biggest numbers, the highest percentages, the steepest slopes. This has always driven me nuts, because trawling for those kinds of numbers just gets you into BIG data troubles. I won't go into it here. Just know that for every report I am asked to produce, every email list I am expected to provide, I have to cull a lot of "Osama@binLaden.coms" and "Mickey Mouse, CEO of Lithuania" from the raw data. It's not that fun.

Recently, I mentioned to my immediate boss that we really ought to consider you know, cleaning up that shit. But I was shushed and told that BigCrazy had different priorities and I should focus on other things. Sigh.

Fast forward to the five hour meeting I had this morning (OK - I wasn't in it the whole time but, damn, did it feel like it). BigCrazy stands in front of us and announces that we have been too number-centric and it has messed up our lead-generation system and now if we don't start thinking in terms of clean data we'll be losing our jobs.

And I wanted to throw my coffee stirrer at her and spit on her tiny little head.

4:58 p.m. - 2003-07-01


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