mnvnjnsn's Diary

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Nobody's home

I think the engineer who designed the í95 Honda Civic EX Coupe was prone to locking his/her keys in the car with the engine running. Why do I think that? Well, I drive a í95 Honda Civic EX Coupe (black, with a Ralph Wiggum sticker on the back), and let me tell you, you even think about leaving those keys in the ignition and it will beep at you like a a motherfucker.

Now, that would be a nice feature, I suppose, if it were possible to, say, lock your door without the keys. But, you see, in the í95 Honda Civic EX Coupe you canít. The driverís side door can only be locked using the key. The inadvertant machinations that would have to happen in order for someone to lock their keys in a í95 Honda Civic EX Coupe boggle the mind. One would have to (a) lock the door; (b) leave the keys in the ignition; (c) climb over the hand brake; and (d) exit through the passenger side door. Now I donít know about you, but the number of times Iíve ever done this would be, oh, never. And itís not because Iím worried about locking my keys in the car.

Leave your lights on, however, and the car says nothing. Not a ding, beep or whistle. Do the lights turn off when you turn the car off? Of course not, silly! Woe to those who live in a climate where it will be raining as you get in your car and sunny when you park, because being a good driver and turning your lights on in the rain will make those people looks stupid when they park in the sunlight and canít see that their lights are on. And by ďthose,Ē I mean ďme.Ē

I leave my lights on so often, I asked for (and got) jumper cables for my birthday. I leave my lights on so often, itís a waste of time to store those cables in the trunk. I just leave the bag behind the driverís seat, for easy access. I leave my lights on so often, attaching the cables has become like second nature. I leave my lights on so often, Iíve stopped rewarding my friends who come bail me out because I donít have time to bake that many cookies.

My friend Paul has helped me out on the last two occasions. I said he was my hero, and that I should get him a cape, but he declined because he said ďWell, then Iíd need to get a cowl.Ē Damn straight, because Iím not getting him a cowl.

Unless he buys me a newer Honda.

11:10 a.m. - 2003-04-08


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