mnvnjnsn's Diary

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2006-04-11

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Catfinkle

I have been cranky and sleepy for most of the past week, so I really don't have much to update here. In Medicine news, I am officially off my anti-depressant because it's caused me to gain 30 lbs in the past 6 months. Talk about depressing. Jeez.

So, seeing as I've been cranky, I thought I'd post some choice quotes I found about the internets and then post my cranky thoughts about said quotes. Aren't you excited? Yeah, me neither. Nevertheless:

Our first entrant is from one of those horrible FearMails that everyone's mother forwards to you. This particular DireWarning was posted to our office's online bulletin board, complete with the "ADVICE EVERY WOMAN SHOULD FOLLOW" prelude. This one is called "Through a Rapist's Eyes."

The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught... If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

And here's what I say to that:

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD, LIKE JON STEWART AND ORANGE JULIUS, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Put up a fight because he'll discover it's too time-consuming to rape you? Oh, yes. Proper time management is always at the forefront of serial rapists' thoughts. Why, I've yet to meet a violent predator who hasn't got a well-blocked Franklin Covey planner. Oh, the whole email "warning" is a stunning display of blantant wrongs, but the time keeper aspect won out for the STUPIDEST part of the whole STUPID thing.

OK... next?

Next. This one is from this past Sunday's Walter Scott's Personality Parade in Parade Magazine. Trevor Dunnigan and I do so love the questions asking to settle a bet over which of the Three Stooges is still alive (answer: You're fucking kidding me, right? That's the kind of stuff you bet on? Really?). However, this one won out as the stupidest question in a very long time:

As a fan of CBS's NUMBERS, I'm curious about David Krumholtz. Is he really a math genius?

My Answer: Yes, and Matthew Fox is a doctor stuck on a craaaaazy island. And George Bush really flew that plane.

And, for our final entry, I submit another piece of hate mail sent to The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

Go aheadůmock God. It's one thing not to believe; it's quite another to mock those who do. Sad that one day you'll be before the Lord, on your knees begging for forgiveness and a second chance. All I can do is feel pity for you and pray that at some point you'll have a conversion of heart; hopefully before it is too late.

Ray Bond
Atlanta

(shhhh...Wait for it...)

BTW, before you get on your high horse, I am a University Educated Scientist.

One might think that a capital-s Scientist might be able to differentiate between mocking a god and mocking that god's followers. But one would be wrong. Here my note to you, Ray: If you don't have enough confidence in your primary argument (which, in the scheme of things, isn't as wild-eyed crazy as most of the submissions to that site), adding that "University Educated Scientist" zinger at the end won't exactly help. You know, I have a college degree and I take a lot of pills, so I must be a University Educated Pharmacologist. Thanks, Ray!


On a different note, I totally want this.
htt

9:41 p.m. - 2006-04-11

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