mnvnjnsn's Diary

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2003-12-02

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Please, Mr. Postman

I've been paying attention to my spam lately. Not the "goods" and "services" they are peddling, but rather the people who send them. OK, "people."

I'm well aware the names and email addresses on almost all spam is aliased beyond all recognition. I'm curious, though, as to who decides what to name the aliases? Sure Px28Yla10Uj@aol.com can be created by computer, but has someone really written a program to have "Jeffrey Bunce" email me about finally getting my high school diploma? A quick google search finds Jeffrey listed on The Eucharistic Minister Schedule for St. Edward the Confessor Parish in Medfield, MA. I looked everywhere, but that site said nothing about how it could help me graduate 16 years after I should have (and, in fact, did). I wonder if the good father is aware that his name was hijacked, or if he's just trying to make $200 - $1000/wk out of his own home.

I like thinking that there are people named McCorrison McGuirk and Lobingier Miyata sharing a small office in a suburban mall, desperate to contact me about my life insurance. Why is she not responding?!?! --poor Lobingier must be thinking --Just think, McCorrison, does she really believe her loved ones will be able to afford even a simple funeral without us? Oh, what have I wrought on poor McGuirk and Miyata, Inc.?

I have Vega Q. Cockeral, Starla Schartz, even Paris Hilton herself trying to hock the Paris Hilton Sex tape. Thanks, gals! I have lots of other penpals with such great names as Wilfredo McCracken, Villanova Herkel, Backrest K. Dhoti and Apolonius Chinese. Who comes up with these?

I mean, Backrest??!?

But I must say my favorites are the penis magicians. First of all, they clearly know their audience. Yes, I would like to expand, lengthen and enlarge myself, and thanks for asking, Mr. Bonebright, Bruce Biggs, Rocky McNads and Maynard Kingbone! How did you boys know I need cheap and easy Viagra? Is it obvious just from my email address that my penis isn't up to its potential? Oh, woe is me! Thank god for these mysterious and oddly-named strangers who came knocking on my email door, willing to help me with my not-so-stiffy!

Now, if I could just get the Nigerian government to reward me handsomely to transfer "trapped funds" into my American bank account.

4:12 p.m. - 2003-12-02

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