mnvnjnsn's Diary

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2003-05-28

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Future stand-up routine

Do I start with the long anecdote about my doctor's appointment, or the short one about the dream I had? Let's start with the dream.

Actually, that's a bit misleading, because I was half awake. My cat Tang (and that's a pseudonym to protect his privacy. He's a very private tabby) came up and laid out on my chest. In my half-awake status, I thought he was Laurence Fishburne, but as a cat.

But that's not the part worth reading about. I was fully awakened by the sounds of Mn puking, so I got up and cleaned it up. Trevor Dunnigan was awake upon my return and so I told him of my dream. And before he could respond, Tang chimed in with a very un-Fishburne-like "myeah!" I think that means he was offended. But his comedic timing was good. You know, for a cat.


My doctor’s appointment was kind of pointless. My doctor, while a very very nice guy, has a temperment that can only be described as slow. Ponderous could also be used. He ambles from patient to patient and topic to topic, thinking long and hard about every sentence. Which means that most of his patients get to wait a good hour in that little room with the poor magazine selection.

[Speaking of magazines, have you seen the picture of Jewel on the cover of the latest People? Looks like somebody’s been to Glamour Shots!]

Anyway, my visit started off on the wrong foot in the parking lot. You know that Simpsons episode where Bart repaints the lines in the parking lot so no one can get out of their cars? I think he hit this parking garage first. I could barely fit my Honda Civic into a space. I wriggled about for 10 minutes trying to exit the vehicle in a fit of inadvertent physical comedy. I hope someone got that on tape. Anyway, I arrive at the office for the requisite half hour wait in the waiting room. Shortly after I got there, a woman arrived with her husband, toddler and 50 pounds of toddler equipment. She then proceeded to discuss sticker selection at the Dollar Tree for half an hour with her husband in baby talk, while her child shrieked. Lovely.

Finally, I was permitted to wait in the ante-chamber. I read and played Palm games for as long as I could before I got restless and started wandering about the room, picking things up. The doctor had a model of a knee joint on the table, complete with tendons and ligaments and whatnot. I picked it up and bent the “knee” and promptly broke the thing in two. Cue part two of the inadvertent physical comedy as I tried to put the thing back together and get it back into it’s spot on the desk.

Hi, my name is Emily, and I’ll be your dufus for today.

Product alert: Mountain Dew LiveWire? Tastes like orange foot.

11:06 a.m. - 2003-05-28

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